Let’s face it! Money is one of the most important things in the world but it can never take the place of great relationships in your life. Having great relationships comes with one of the best feelings in the world; of which won’t want it to shatter away. Many great relationships have been damaged as a result of financial arguments.
Firstly, I want you to understand that money itself can’t cause financial fights – it is the way and manner by which both parties approach the situation that matters. You also need to understand that financial arguments can put a strain on your relationships.
How to Avoid Financial Arguments
In view of the fact that you don’t always have a say in the way someone else responds, the best way to manage a financial argument is to reshape your approach and to avoid getting cynical right out of the gate.
Since money is like the air we breathe, it is common to find yourself in unanticipated financial arguments. These could be with your spouse, your boss, friends, and families. The way you approach each of these people can really be different and can require a whole different approach.
Here are five tips on handling financial arguments. Though these might not work for everyone, it's a starting point for things to consider when you’re faced with a financial argument.
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1. The Financial Face Off In Marriage
One of the major reasons this seems to be the most common financial arguments is that most couples avoid the subject of money right from courtship to marriage.
The fight over money can be very destructive in marriage. This usually stems from a lack of communication. When couples fail to have strong communication about their finance, a lot of financial arguments will erupt.
The stress that comes from knowing your bank account is low or from unexpected expenses is obviously another catalyst of a financial fight. Having an emergency fund can help you avoid this stress, but doesn’t eliminate the fact that you always need to improve your communication skills.
You can often avoid arguments about money when you have clear communication channels in place (monthly budget discussions, goal setting, etc.). It sounds simple, but it’s worked for us.
Here is a video in which Jamiee Zanzinger from Women's Day magazine offers some tips on how to avoid financial arguments in your marriage.
If you are passionate about your marriage and want to prevent any kind of arguments in your marriage here is a really useful video from Brad Browning of MarriageGuy.com — How to Prevent Arguments With Your Husband or Wife.
2. Fighting for More Pay At The Workplace
Over the years, I have seen many awkward arguments arising from employees asking for pay raise or other benefits. These conversations don’t have to end on a sour note.
If you ever want to approach your boss about a pay raise or about an added benefit like a phone or computer; Avoid tongue-tied arguments at work by doing your research and giving your manager a detailed list of things you’ve done to justify a raise or benefit like a company paid cell phone.
People make a lot of mistakes when asking for a pay increase or other benefits. Try not to commit any of those blunders. The best approach is to show your boss how the benefit will improve production or suggest additional responsibilities that will support the rise in pay.
It is normal to be rejected at first. If this happens, be careful not to burn your bridge by fuelling the argument with harsh comebacks or excuses. Try to work harder and show that you’re committed to making the best of your job despite the financial argument. Though it may sound counterintuitive, it's a sure fire way to get raise without even asking for one. Your superiors should notice your efforts and if they don’t, you might just need to be on the lookout for a place that does!
3. The Borrowing Family Member
People need help all the time, but it is important to guide yourself against people who mismanage their finance and want to live off other people like a parasite. It is important to know that a lot of people including family and friend will come to you for a loan. Never loan out your money to other with any sort of promise to repay.
The best way to avoid this kind of financial argument is to not lend to a family at all! Before you lend to a family, you should consider the risks of lending and not expect the money back.
Does that mean you shouldn’t lend your brother $100 or $1,000 for some quick fix-ups? No,
I’m not saying that at all. It’s good to help family and to be generous, but if you anticipate the worst, and secretly consider the loan a gift, your family relationship will be in less risk of ruin if they don’t repay.
Or, you might use a direct approach by saying something like: “Sorry, I don’t have that much, but I have this much, I give you totally.”
4. A Friend and Your Funds
A Portuguese proverb says: “if you would make an enemy, lend man money and ask it of him again.”
You will almost always lose a friend by lending him money. If you doubt me ask those who have lent money to a friend. Try it, if you have a boring friend and you want to dispense him off him, simply loan him a sizeable sum of money and in all likeliness, he will start avoiding you.
I understand that there are some exceptional cases in which the need for the money might warrant lending to a friend. For these situations, it’s generally good to have a contract in place or agreement already established, especially if repayment is involved.
If you come prepared with a simple contract regarding the terms of payment or rental agreements, you can avoid a few more arguments. Granted, arguments can still come up when working with money, but you’ll need to step back and ask yourself if the friendship is worth losing over the money involved.
5. The Kids and Your Coins
I wouldn’t expect too many people to set up an paying back schedule when their kids ask for $20,(though my wife and I does) but I’d hope you have established the financial rules in the house for borrowing money.
I have seen friends having nasty arguments with their kids about money. This is prone to happen but you must take the steps to curb it early before the kids grow up.
Asking us for money just wasn’t something we allow for kids. If they needed extra money, they’d ask if there were extra jobs they could do to earn cash.
Your family might be different, and this might be too stringent for many families but I think there’s value in associating pay with hard work– even in the family. Don’t get me wrong, we love our kids and we are generous towards them; we enjoyed blessing them with a $10 here and a $20 there, but they valued hard work and didn’t entertain begging for extra spending money.
I can hardly remember arguing with my kids about money and I think it’s because of the way we emphasized hard work and earning money.
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Wrap It Up!
Every now and again, financial arguments try to raise its ugly head in our lives. Over the years, I had mastered the habit of asking myself a simple question when having a financial fight with someone I cherish – “Is this money worth the relationship?”
As earlier said, money can't take the place of great relationships in our lives. Your relationship with your wife, your family, friends, and employers or employees added some values to your life. These values are so great that money can't buy them.
If you can simply take a step back from an argument and ask yourself that same question, I believe a clear path will be laid before you.
Over To You
So, have you ever got into financial arguments with people around you? How did you handle those moments? What is the other advice tips, strategies, techniques or methods that have worked for you? Please share with us in the comment below. Believe me; I sincerely value your opinion more than mine.
And don’t forget there is love in sharing!