Ed Is Dead
I’m sure most of us who grew up in the nineties remember the show Ed, Edd, and Eddy. It was one of Cartoon Network’s greatest shows, at least in my opinion. It is definitely a decent show, but apparently that is only because of the filter that Cartoon Network put on the content produced by the creator, Danny Antonucci. Of course, this wasn’t always the case. There was a time where Ed, Edd, and Eddy was much, much darker. The original pilot for the show, which was never released to the public at large, was entitled “Ed Is Dead”. Now you might be wondering how I came to know about this lost episode. Let’s just say that I have friends in both high and low places within the animation industry, and one of them just happened to send me a digital copy of this episode. I can’t upload it because, well, the last person who tried was found to have choked to death on a massive jawbreaker. I know what you’re thinking. Oh, this is probably just a Halloween special or something. That’s where you’d be wrong. This thing goes beyond the typical Halloween fare of ghosts and ghouls or witches and devils, and almost seems to break through the fourth wall. Without further adieu, I will recount the horror that I witnessed.
The episode starts just like any other episode of this beloved childhood classic. You see the three Ed’s acting their typical goofy selves. Even the beginning scenes seem light hearted, just like the show itself. This episode starts with Eddy walking down the street, looking rather annoyed. He has a black eye and a few other scrapes. He seems to be muttering something about Kevin, so one can assume that yet another of his scams has failed, resulting in a serious beatdown. He rounds a corner and comes up to Double D’s house (by the way, just a quick interjection, doesn’t that name sound a little pervy to you? Sounds to me like the writer had tits on the brain, among other not-for-kids things). This part of the episode seems fairly normal as Eddy appears to be about to go rouse Double D to exploit the large brain underneath that hat. But things get a little weird. Eddy turns towards the camera. He blinks twice, shakes his head, and then stares out at the viewer. He shakes his fist at the audience and then storms up to Double D’s door. He knocks loudly.
Double D answers, though he is not in his usual attire. This time Double D is wearing what looks like a hazmat suit. He has a pair of tongs in his right hand. The tongs are holding what appears to be just an ordinary sock. Eddy stares up at him.
“What’s with the spacesuit?” Eddy asks sarcastically. Double D shakes his head.
“This is not a Space Suit. It is a hazardous materials suit, and if you’ll excuse me there is something I really need to work on,” Double D responds, starting to close the door. Eddy sticks his foot in the door.
“Please, Double D, I need your help!” Eddy says, a bit panicked. At this point the viewer begins to feel that something has gone terribly wrong, as the music that was typical of the show begins to devolve into a darker theme. Even the animation style darkens a bit.
“I don’t have time for one of your scams! I have very important research to do!” Double D says, crushing Eddy’s foot in the door. Eddy lets out a scream as his foot is flattened in cartoonish fashion.
“You don’t understand!” Eddy says, pounding on the door.
“It’s Ed!” Suddenly the door creaks open again. Double D stares out at Eddy, a vague look of horror on his face.
“Come on in,” Double D says, his voice no longer agitated, a sort of calm, yet frightened sound to it.
Double D closed the door behind Eddy and immediately grabbed a large contraption made from a vacuum cleaner set to blow, a bottle of bleach water, some sort of detector, and a computer screen. Double D proceeded to spray Eddy with the solution, hoping to decontaminate him of any outside agent. Double D looked cautiously at the screen, and once a green thumbs up appeared he breathed a sigh of relief.
“What about Ed?” Double D inquired.
“We were working a scam, you see, and everything was fine until. . . .” the show cuts to a flashback.
In the flashback we see Ed and Eddy behind what appears to be a ramshackle little counter, selling what they claim to be lemonade. It looks like lemonade, has ice, even a lemon wedge in it, but it’s not lemonade. It’s a hot summer day in the cul-de-sac, and the kids are thirsty. Sarah and Jimmy are first in line, and they cough up fifty cents for the glass of lemonade. They look at Eddy suspiciously, having been swindled before, but they take the increased size of the glass to mean that perhaps the boys had changed. Nazz and Kevin buy some, as does Rolf and Johny, though Johny buys two, one for him and one for Plank. Having swindled everybody else, he begins to sneak away with his ill gotten gains.
“HEY!” screams Kevin. Nazz was on her knees, vomiting.
“What was that?!” Kevin says angrily, grabbing the wrench that he had been using to fix his bike. Instinctively Eddy begins to run, Ed right behind him.
“Run away! Run away!” Ed shouts, fleeing his furious sister and the rest of the neighborhood.
“How dare you trick Rolf!” shouts Rolf as he runs after the group. This sort of thing is fairly normal for the show. Just as Eddy and Ed think they are safe, they have a rather unfortunate turn of events. Standing in their path is the Kanker sisters, who, as usual, want a kiss. Eddy offers them some of his money if they’ll let him pass, but the Kankers don’t take the offer. To make matters worse the neighborhood has finally caught up to the boys. Everyone is furious. Johny is holding plank like a club, Kevin has his bike wrench, and Sarah just has her insane brute force. Jimmy, while furious, is hiding behind Sarah.
“You went too far this time!” Nazz says, spitting every few seconds to get the disgusting taste out of her mouth.
“Yeah, it’s pounding time!” Kevin says, slapping the wrench on his palm. To the shock of the two condemned the Kankers step forward to defend them. For once Eddy and Ed are happy to see them. A large brawl breaks out between the two groups, with the Kankers largely overwhelmed. Kevin, Jimmy, and Sarah manage to sneak away and follow the two con artists, unknown to them. As Eddy is about to reach the candy store, he is suddenly taken down by Kevin, who begins mercillessly beating him. Sarah grabs Ed and drags him down the street.
“I’M TELLING MOM!”
“No!” Ed yells. The scene fades as Jimmy stands there laughing while Eddy continues to be clubbed by Kevin.
“After Kevin stole my hard earned cash, I went to find Ed so we could set up another scam,” Eddy said, his eyes beginning to tear up.
“I found him. . . eating Sarah,” Eddy said in horror. Once again the scene went to a flashback.
The flashback begins with Ed screaming at Sarah not to tell mom. Suddenly Sarah begins to growl, his constant pleading annoying her. She turns and starts hitting him. The crazy strength in Ed’s family makes every blow worse.
“Ow!”, “Ow!”, “BUTTERED TOAST!” Ed said as he was being beaten by a merciless Sarah. She punched him in the face so hard that his face, in cartoonish style, caved in, and then Ed went limp. It was at this point that we see Eddy come into the scene. Sarah is shaking Ed, trying to wake him up, but the huge urine spot on his pants shows that he has lost control of his bladder. She checks his pulse, and there is none. She starts to shudder and cry, having really loved her idiot brother. Suddenly his eyes snap open. Sarah lets out a sigh of relief. The animation starts to change, becoming realistic. The lines stop shaking, the artwork becomes more detailed.
“B. . . Buttered. . . Toast!” he shouts as he tears into Sarah’s arm, ripping a huge hunk of flesh out and consuming it. She screams and starts hitting him, but it has no effect. She can’t wriggle free. The blood around Ed’s mouth is thick as he continues to consume her body, all the while chanting “buttered toast” between mouthfulls. Her screams soon fall silent as she bleeds to death.
Eddy is shaking. Double D is pacing the room, shaking his head in disbelief.
“I can’t believe it has spread so far. . . .” Double D said, looking at the sock he held in his tongs.
“I took this from Ed’s room last time I was there. I had wanted to study bacteria, and I thought Ed’s room was the perfect place to find them. But this. . . .” Double D said, moving the sock over to a table where other samples lay.
“What is it?” Eddy asked.
“I wish I knew. . . . But Ed is infected with it,” Double D said. Double D began to hurry now, stuffing supplies into a suitcase.
“We have to leave the Cul-de-sac. It’s not safe here. . . .” Double D said, handing Eddy a suitcase.
“I’m not sure if anywhere is safe.” Double D and Eddy turned towards the door and opened it. They were forced to back away in sheer terror. Standing before them was Ed, his face dripping with blood. Next to him was Sarah, her ribs literally showing, and one arm completely missing. Every person in the Cul-de-sac stood there, moaning.
“P-pound. . . .ing time,” groaned Kevin. Before Double D or Eddy could turn to run they were overcome. Biting mouths ripped the flesh from their bones. Eddy and Double D let out blood curdling screams before falling silent. But they remained silent only for a moment, for soon both of them rose up.
“Cash!” moaned Eddy, “Shower!” moaned Double D, and “Chickens!” moaned Ed. The scene panned out, and as it did something strange happened. There was a dome around the area where the show was shot, like glass, but this dome and everything that it contained floated in pitch darkness. Surrounding it were the three Kanker sisters.
Just as the credits were about to roll, the Kankers turned towards the audience.
“What are you so freaked out about?” May said, her voice sounding demonic.
“You’re dead too!” After this the screen flashed with a picture of a human face, deteriorated by post mortem decay. When I looked closely at this image I could see that it was my own face shown in the picture. I tried to show this video to a friend of mine, and he insisted that he saw his own face too. But there was something else odd about it. Under the face was my birth date and my death date. The death date read December 21, 2012. My friend’s death date when he watched it was the same, but it showed his birthdate instead. In fact, that repeats for just about every person I’ve ever shown the end part to.
Credit To – Der Teufel